Sorry if I've been spending too much time delving into my thoughts on things, but as it stands, I'm having one of those points in life where I'm given a lot of time to think about what's going on in my life. Usually, I tend to bury myself in my work whenever I can, but lately I've had to force myself to take a step back to evaluate exactly what's going on in my brain, and the world around me. I don't like it, but here's the broad strokes. I'll go over specifics in my personal journal.
Every once in a while, something will cross your path that challenges the way that you think about things. I think that it's true for most anyone. As of late, another one of those "somethings" has crossed my path, and thrown me for a loop. You see, I'm the type of person who faces a challenge with pure mental toughness. I summon up every ounce of strength that my mind can command my body to have, and throw it as hard as I can until I can't move anymore, and my obstacle is nothing but dust. I'm a fighter. It's part of who I am.
Then, something came across my path that makes me wonder if I really need to fight to accomplish things in my life. Is it really necessary to stand against someone and be willing to throw down with words or fists? I'm not sure. On one side, while I was writing this I stood up for my mother and sister to some corrupt bank manager, and then afterwards contacted the main branch of his bank to get him punished. I fought him, and I won. However, what would have happened if I had just ignored him? If I didn't fight, would my life be more peaceful? I don't know, and to be honest, I'm not happy that I'm questioning it.
I hate these sorts of moments, and what's made me question it really isn't something I can discuss openly, but I need to simply get it off of my chest.
Second thing that I wanted to discuss was simply journalism in general. Part of me wonders if modern day journalists think that shrugging off the integrity that is asked of journalists is a good thing. The duty of a journalist is to report what's going on to the best of their knowledge, and in the case of editorials and such, give their opinion on a manner fairly and concisely. It seems that a few sites that I've gone to have completely given the middle finger to integrity and professionalism. The problem is that without the professionalism and integrity, the potential for well thought out articles dies, and makes way for fanwank.
I understand that some freedom comes with writing for a blog style webpage, but that doesn't excuse at type of writing that is only a half step away from a fanboy's mental masturbations. When it comes down to it, though some things are established due to a fear of change, other things are established because without them, we're nothing but barbarians. This is one thing that sickens me about today's society in general. Why are the words "intergrity," "morality," and "professionalism" dirty words? They shouldn't be.
Well, I figured that I would take a little time to update this sucker before I take a nap or something. I'm probably going to pop in The Dark Knight and then get some sleep while it plays. I just polished off a full cario/weight lift workout that I'm going to try and do every Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and before that I finally got the last of the game footage I needed for Niko's Story.
By the way, since I haven't explained exactly what Niko's Story, Johnny's Story, and Luiz's story are yet, I'll boil it down to the basics. Essentially what I'm doing is doing a character study/character analysis on the main character of each of GTA IV's stories, from Niko Bellic, to Johnny Klebitz, to Luiz Lopez. I won't give anything away, but I will tell you right now that this has taken the most recording that I have EVER done in one of my video projects, and I really need to learn how to streamline it.
However, there's also a lot going on behind the scenes as well, and I figured that I'd blog about it a bit, rather than just tell people about it openly, since some of it is personal, and some of it is top secret, and neither are things that need to be aired out to the public. What I can do, however, is keep that stuff vague and just share my feelings on my own end of things.
First thing I'd figure that I would discuss is my first guest appearance on a podcast. If you haven't looked at it yet, check out the Detroit Metal Blog because I'll be the special guest on it. Truthfully, I had a lot of fun doing it, and to be honest, I was very much honored and humbled by the experience. Truthfully, I don't think I've really been anyone's favorite at anything during the course of my life, so people calling me their favorite journalist was a shock to my system. So, to Aaron and Sid, it was awesome being on the podcast, guys, and thanks so much for the compliments. Speaking of metal, here's a little fun fact about me. Every time I start writing a blog or script, I listen to "Man Made God" by In Flames.
Anway, the second thing that I wanted to talk about is relationships, just in general. Now, there's a couple things that I honestly believe (well, that I'm willing to share publicly anyway). The first is that though we are in charge of our own lives, and control how we react, and the other part of that is that there are some things that go beyond coincidence. Very Kierkeggardian of me, eh? Going with that in mind, I had an odd dream after a long workout late Wednesday night/early Thursday morning. I'm not going to go into detail, but the main idea that I got from it was that good things are going to happen in the future in regards to my relationships with people.
Beyond that idea, there's something a discussion with a friend brought up that I felt like sharing. I honestly think that, contrary to popular belief, a relationship is not a sacrifice of freedom. To be quite honest with you, a relationship is entirely what you make it, and there are dozens of variations to relationships, and we all have to approach them at our own pace, and talk to our partner about how things need to happen. If someone's talking about being the love of your life and you're by no means ready for that sort of talk, it's best to just tell them the truth, and find someone who works with your pace. Personally, all I personally want is just a girl to be sweet on that visits on the weekends when she can. When I'm ready for it, and whoever that lucky lady is (feel free to chuckle at "lucky") is ready for it, then let the next step run. I think too many people don't realize that the average human lifespan is a long damn time. Do not rush things.
Another thing that crossed my mind during this entire process of becoming a journalist and video producer full time (I lump the two together because in my case I can't have one without the other) is that I've become a hard bastard to keep down. Before I continue, let me just say that there are big, big, big things going down behind the scenes, but I'm not allowed to tell you what they are yet. Needless to say, I'm excited for them. Anyway, it seems to me that (for the first time in my life) the harder the work is getting, the more I'm enjoying the end result.
For example, I've absolutely hated my last two videos, mostly because they only took the course of three days to shoot and get all of the necessary game footage. You know what? I'm not a big fan of that, mostly because I personally think that both episodes turned out pretty crappy, despite the fact that they're laying the ground for future hijinks. Anyway, during this week of sweating, recording, writing, and certainly not sleeping much, I kept planning out how to edit together these character studies and whatnot, and I think that I can spend the rest of today and tomorrow (after some sleep) working and getting stuff done, and I honestly think that the end result will be freaking glorious. However, that's going to come late Sunday/Early Monday morning, so until then, I leave you with Bas "El Guapo" Rutten being absolutely insane and awesome in GTA IV.
