Random thoughts again.....

It's not an easy task to be working for a website, especially as a review editor. Though I can't get into details, lets just say that it's not easy being a go-to guy for something, despite how much you enjoy it. There are points that you have to sacrifice your plans for your work, and try to work around issues that rise up. One thing that I will say is that Blistered Thumbs didn't have a review for my vote for game of the year, Red Dead Redemption. Now we do, and it took longer than it should have.

However, as I sit here, listening to music, I realize what I'm working toward, and what the future may hold. I'm not quite sure how the buzz is in the Channel Awesome community about Blistered Thumbs (you guys will have to give me feedback) but amongst the staff it's quite the event for us. As for me, I'm the type of person who has been incredibly low-key when it comes to being known on the net. One fellow writer of mine said that my show was the best kept secret on the internet. I think that a few people are in for a bit of a shock when they read some of my work.

I've essentially been trying to brace myself for an explosion. It feels like the moment before a dentist appointment. You know that you're about to have a moment of discomfort, but are trying to remind yourself that when it all settles down, you'll be fine. It certainly takes me to weird places, which is why I'm blogging. However, to set the stage of how different I've been acting lately, I've been drinking hot, black tea, and watching Midori Days. An anime that is a romantic comedy. Let me drive this in a little bit more. I'm six foot two, and am built like a panzer tank. I just watched a thirteen episode Anime that was a romance. Just so I can blame my emasculation on someone from the Channel Awesome umbrella, I blame JesuOtaku for saying the show is good. Illogical to do so? Of course. I'm still blaming her.

I think that it's safe to say that I'm building a foundation for the future here. There really is no doubt in my mind that Blistered Thumbs will explode in popularity. It's one thing for a new video game website to pop up. It's a completely different one for a site to pop up with a rabid, supportive fanbase attached. When people say that Channel Awesome has the best fanbase on earth, they're not joking. These are fans that stick with you til the end, and I'm hoping that they'll accept me as a part of the family.

However, the issue with the future is that you have to wait for it, and I've got a few things in the here and now that I have to worry about. One thing I've got to keep in mind is the difference between a doormat and a selfless person. I'm not the type of person who expects to get anything in return when I do something good for someone else. I do what I can to keep the people around me happy. At the same time, I've had to learn how to draw lines, which is difficult. I enjoy being a selfless person, but I don't want to be walked on. I'm going to have to get used to telling people I need time alone, and realize I'm not being a dick by doing so.

An unfortunate thing about the upcoming season of Winter is that it couples some very cold memories with it. Since my divorce, the cold has done nothing but make me feel isolated. My grandfather died on January 1st. My divorce was official in the winter. Every winter, my birthday goes by, reminding me of my own mortality. I think it's rather obvious as to why I hate winter. It's a cold reminder of how lonely life can be, and how good, warm days can feel so distant from where you are. In a way, loneliness is comparable to walking down a street in the middle of winter. It's isolated, dead, and cold. It gives this odd feeling of desolation that I abhor.

With the coming winter, and the loneliness that comes with it, I'm reminded of my own situation in life. You see, I'm picky about my company, and my core group of friends can be counted on one hand. As we've all gotten older, they've all grabbed a squeeze and continued on in life, save one friend. I can't help but feel like I've been left behind a little bit. Now, is it completely my fault? No. Some things happened that I couldn't control. However, I still don't like it. I sort of feel like I have to muscle my way into a conversation with some of my friends. Should things be like that? I wouldn't think so.

Last thing is that it all seems to come back to the fact that I'm single, and I hate that. Then again, I have to keep in mind that my subconscious is used to certain things in the winter, and the pleasure center of my brain wants to experience them again. Though some would give me loads of crap for these feelings, let me pose a counter to those accusations. Have you ever had the chance to sit with a woman, watching a film and being warmed by a blanket and body heat? Have you ever woken up in a cold room, and used it as an excuse to snuggle close to her? These are situations that I loved when I wasn't single that cannot be duplicated. I long for them. I dream of them, and they don't come.

Now, let me just say that I've decided to simply sit here and let things happen in my life. I want things to progress naturally, but there's a positive and negative to everything. One thing that drove me absolutely nuts after finishing Midori Days was that the entire process could have been avoided if the two of them had simply told each other their feelings. I'm waiting for someone to cross my path and speak up. So, here's my little slice of encouragement: Go forth and speak up. Whatever it is you feel the need to speak up about, just do it. The world moves faster with honesty. While you do that, keep in mind that you're keeping people from being in my spot, okay?

Well, until next time, I'm signing off. Let's hope that a woman speaks up to me, eh? Then maybe I can blog about something else for once.

-Micah C

Good news and bad news

Medal of Honor video review

Cynic's Corner Quickies - Castlevania: Lords of Shadow

The Gag Order is lifted

For the past month, I've been teasing that something big was coming. I've been hinting that there was going to be a huge change for me, and I've been really vague about it. Well, now I'm allowed to tell you. Rather, let me simply show you a video of the site that I'm going to be involved with.

No, you're not seeing things incorrectly. It's happening, guys. I couldn't be more excited about this!

Horror 101

The Halloween Special

This month, I've found myself with plenty to do, and I've been having a lot of fun doing it. However, I really wanted to cap off October with a grand finale for you guys who love the show, and love the blogs. So, I've decided to have a special on October 31st. You see, one thing that I've never tried (and may never try again) is a lone movie review. I've decided to change that just this once. On Halloween, I will be reviewing this film, and it's gonna hurt:

ADHD - Dead Space

Watch after the credits for a goofy surprise.

A Piece of History - Half Life

Greg Hastings Paintball 2 - In 5 Seconds

Random late night thoughts/advice

One thing I haven't done here on a while is just some form of random writing. Usually what I do has a purpose to it. Tonight, not so much. You see, every once in a while I have a day when my mind is swarming with dozens of ideas and thoughts at the same time, and I can't sleep until they're quelled. Granted, this problem used to be solved with a Walkman or an iPod, but I lost both of them in my divorce, so it's not a viable option. What is a viable option is blogging about it, so here we go:

Writer's Note: I will be doing more of these in the future, so if you don't like them, feel free to skip them. I won't get offended. However, if you think I'm doing to much of them at any one point or another, feel free to tell me. Though it's a personal blog (and will probably become a site of its own in the future), I know that people visit it, and I'd like people to keep visiting it.

- The foolishness of unrequited love

I'm a man who has the unfortunate mix of qualities that I call "nice guy syndrome." Essentially, if you're not five foot nine and thinner than a tooth pick, and possess the following qualities:

1. Intellect

2. Sense of Humor

3. Generally sweet toward the gender you're interested in

4. Seen as a teddy bear by aforementioned gender

then you have fallen into the "nice guy" category. This means that you are outright doomed for most people you find attractive to immediately jump toward the usual "You're nice, but I could never date you." response. Is it baffling? Yes. Is it frustrating? Heck yes. However, let me tell you right now that you will save a lot if you simply walk away from the situation there, and find something new to think about. Nine times out of ten, when you're given that response you cannot sway the opinion of the person giving it to you, so don't try. What's happening there is that there's a certain quality or belief that you possess that keeps you from being in a relationship with that person, and beyond that it's either something you can't change (like height, build, etc) or a belief/character trait that you shouldn't change. Don't keep falling for that person. Walk on, and find something new. You'll get to keep a good friendship, and have the opportunity to meet someone new as well. Best of both worlds!!!!

- There's nothing wrong with having a "type"

Let me explain further. A former member of my old dorm told me that having a "type" of person that you are generally attracted to was foolish, because you could be giving yourself false expectations, or judging someone on their looks. I respectfully disagree. Everyone has their "type" of person they're into. In fact, some "types" are incredibly popular these days. I know a lot of girls that are attracted to guys that are tall, but complete twigs. It's just how they are. Personally, I'm attracted to girls who are thin, but have long legs. It's just a personal preference. However, I think that if you focus too much on finding a "type" at points, you will miss out on some cool people. Though that specific type of body type, or even specific type of personality trait may always grab your attention, I will say that it's silly to look for that alone. For example: I'm more attracted to women who perplex me. Girls who have me asking questions drive me nuts, but in a good way. I think that mental stimulation is great in a relationship, because conversations keep coming, and I'm a conversationalist. So, it's healthy to have preferences, but don't let them become a be-all end-all sort of thing to a relationship you may get into.

-Don't make everything a measuring contest

This one is more for the guys than the girls. I'm the type of person that you would describe as accident prone, and having bad luck. Feel free to toss in an Obi-Wan Kenobi quote, but I'm telling you right now that my luck sucks. It's like I have a neon sign that people other than me can see that says "Piss this guy off" flashing above my head. It seems that everyone likes to do something to make me mad, for some reason. Case in point, my best friend knows that I loathe online multiplayer, but makes me play against him anyway so he'll shut up. He knows I hate it, but does it anyway. Anyway, on to the "measuring contest." The one thing that annoys me most about other dudes is whenever they try to turn everything into a form of measurement for their johnson. Here's an example: a well known game blogger got pissed at me once for saying that he wasn't a person with ethics. His response was "I bet I have more ethics than you." What the f#@& does that even mean?! Ethics are not measured. You either have them or you don't. You don't see two pregnant women arguing over who is more pregnant, do you?! I'm not the type of person with anything to prove, so trying to measure yourself up to me usually ends up with me punching you. Don't turn things into measuring contests, because one day you're going to find yourself in a situation akin to jumping in a shark tank with Jaws inside, and you're wearing a sweater made out of raw steak.

- "Generic" is not synonymous with "bad"

I had a discussion about this with PushingUpRoses the other day. Aside from the fact that we remarked on how completely spoiled modern day gamers are, we also talked about something in media being generic. My question is this: How on earth did something being generic start to coincide with a lack of quality? Generic is not a word that has anything to do with quality, quite literally. It essentially means that the item is a catch-all. In the world of gaming, you'd call it a "design by committee" game. However, it doesn't mean that the game stinks. Turok: Evolution had more genuinely new ideas than Halo did, but the latter game is leagues better. Another good example would be comparing Scott Pilgrim vs the World to The Expendables. Scott's movie had much more going for it than Stallone's film, but Stallone's film was much more entertaining. When it comes down to it, there's nothing wrong with something not adding much. In fact, you could even make the argument that there is nothing new under the sun. Don't let a lack of new ideas stop you from enjoying an explosion or two. If you're a dude, and you like to blow stuff up while flexing your muscles, revel in it! It's what makes being a guy great. If you're a girl and you like blowing stuff up and it turns you on, revel in it! Then call me, because I'm free most nights.

Well, I think my mind is well drained, now. I've got other stuff planned for the week, and I've got quite a bit done. I wasn't sure if I would get my Greg Hastings review done on Monday, but there it is. So, what have I got planned? Well, all I've left to do with the Half-Life vid is to record the last bit of audio. With the Dead Space review, I plan on having it finished by Saturday, and I'll probably script it before then. After that, I'll be getting Silent Hill 2 in sometime this week, and I also plan on having Cynic's Corner Quickies for Call of Cthulhu: Dark Corners of the Earth, and Castlevania: Lords of Shadow this month, so it's going to be busy. Stick around.

-Micah C.