Top Ten Ways not to be an XBL Douchebag!
Posted by: Marcus
I'm really beginning to think that half my time devoted to this blog is simply going to be spent on entertainment oriented rants.
This time though I've randomly decided to make my next rant into a top ten list, simply for the sake of time and energy.
So, to get us started, the obvious problem with online gaming is that most of us have to interact with the world's douchebags when gamers have been trying to avoid them for ages. So, this list is dedicated to you douchebags, and how you morons can become less of a bag, and more of a civilized human being.
10. Learn how to curse!
Ever seen the movie I, Robot? Remember Shia LeBouf's character? Yeah, that's you. Cursing, for better or worse, should be reserved when one's vocabulary gets shortened due to some sort of circumstance where emotions get involved. The problem is though that your swearing sucks. Your main insult is fag. I think it's safe to say that you don't have much variant in your ability to insult someone. If you're going to open your mouth, at least know how to use it.
9. You Are Not A Gangsta
Let's face it. You're not a criminal. The biggest crime you committed was spitting on a sidewalk. If a cop walked up to you, your attitiude would go from "Fuck da police" to "No sir, I didn't do anything." You want to know why? Because you, and any other retard like you that bought into the rap bravado, in the moments when your bluff is called, you fold. However, it's not completely your fault. You're not smart enough to realize what toughness really is. Let's do a test. Answer the question: Who is actuall a tough person?
If you picked Wanderlei Silva, then there may be hope for you yet.
8. Learn how to lose
This one is really important. In any multiplayer game, you are going to lose at some point in time. Let's face it. If you have even a quarter of a life at all, you're going to lose in multiplayer, because you know as well as I do that there are kids out there that literally do nothing but play multiplayer games, so learn to let it go.
7. Don't try and be MLG
This is one thing that NOBODY that you will ever play against will buy. We all know that you're not an MLG player. We all know that you suck. Personally, I can't count how many people I've destroyed across several games that put MLG in their tags, or have an MLG gamer pic, or whatever. You're not that good. In fact, you suck. However, it's better to roll with it than try and pretend you don't.
6. Keep the racial slurs to yourself.
You don't sound cool when you use racial slurs. You also aren't insulting either. You're just ignorant, and people don't care about ignorance. The minute you sound like white trash or a wannabe ghetto punk, people shut their ears to you, and you're doing nothing more than sounding like an angry chimpanzee trapped inside a glass cage.
5. If you're not old enough to play the game, please don't talk.
Listen, I don't know how you got a hold of the game. Maybe you lied to your parents. Maybe your parents are retards for buying you an online game. Maybe you stole it. Maybe your friends have retarded parents. Whatever the case, there are those of us who are actually old enough to go to Wal-Mart, or Gamestop, or Best Buy and buy the games that everyone is playing. You, are not, so please just don't use your mic, or be in a party. You make it easier for all of us that way.
4. Don't make threats
Listen, nobody out there is intimidated by a punk teenager with a controller, or someone with a Napoleon complex. You aren't capable of kicking anyone's ass. Hell, you probably aren't sure about how to throw a punch, but for some reason you think that telling someone to shut up over the net is going to work. What if someone says, "Or what?" Then what are you going to do? Absolutely nothing. Also, don't give your name and address away. For all you know, the person on the other end is Brock Lesnar.
3. Don't play the blame game.
It's a simple premise. It's nobody's fault that you lost. If you were as awesome as you said you were, you would have dominated everyone. If your connection sucks, that's also your own damn fault. Go reset your router and open the ports, asshole.
2. Don't pretend you've got a life.
You don't have lots of money. You don't have a good looking girlfriend. You don't get loads of sex. You're sitting in front of a television playing Call of Duty. It's rather obvious that you've got just as much spare time as the other people you're playing with. Maybe more than that. Please don't take us for idiots. We can see right through you.
1. Remember that it's just a game.
Seriously. If you're flipping out over playing games, you need to stop playing them. These game are there for you to have fun with, and if you're not having fun, just give it up. Simply say it was a hobby, and let it go. If it's driving you mad, please don't drive the rest of us mad by trying to keep at it.
A Question of Skill: Analyzing the world of MMA.Posted by: Marcus
As many of you well know by the time this blog is posted, Anderson Silva has done more than just defeat Forrest Griffin. He outright destroyed a man who was ranked number four in his division, solidifying himself as the top pound for pound fighter in the world.
Seeing the fight myself, I was in utter shock. When it came down to the James Irvin fight, I honestly did not expect Irvin to win at all, mostly because it didn't seem plausible. Irvin was an up-and-comer, but that's not really enough. However, I didn't think Silva would eat him for breakfast. Coming into this fight, there were people out there that actually gave Forrest a good shot at winning this, probably from his submission victory of Mauricio "Shogun" Rua. However, it almost seems to be that may not be enough, as Forrest was made to look like a rank amateur.
Either way, watching that battle I feel like I saw my views of MMA changing in front of me. I went back and watched the Shogun fight, and started thinking of the other all-time greats of the sport. I started to think of how these fighters come up, and are trained. How is it that the greats are forged, and from what?
Though I haven't come to anything definitive yet, I have one main suspicion of what it is that makes a great fighter great. I think that it is the ingrained disciplines brought forth from the one primary style.
With that statement, let me preach on a bit of history. Mixed Martial Arts, when simplified, means exactly what it sounds. A mixing of several styles of Martial Arts, like Muai Thai, Boxing, Kickboxing, Wrestling, Jiu Jitsu, etc. However, here is where I think the problem lies. MMA might be the one sport where the idea of, "Jack of all trades, master of none" may fit best. Fighters like Forrest Griffin, Rashad Evans, Chris Leben, and others have a base in something, but it's not as strong of a base as someone like Lyoto Machida (Shotokan Karate), Anderson Silva (Muai Thai), or George St. Pierre (Kyokoshin Karate).
Now, it's not simply fighting styles that I'm talking about here. I'm talking about application of discipline. Machida, Silva, St. Pierre, and others bring with them the disciplines from those arts, and use them as a basis for work ethic and performance, not just how they fight. If you look at Griffin or Evans, and then compare their ethic to the pound for pound greats of the world, it's almost night and day. Not to mention, though someone like Evans does have solid credentials, do you see him apply them very well? No.
Take a look back at The Ultimate Fighter season two. Rashad Evans, whether you like it or not, is still a lazy kid with a lot of cockyness that has no base to it. Though people may say otherwise, there is nothing about his career thus far that would lead a person to think that he is capable of being either a great martial artist, or considered a pound for pound good fighter. Many of his fights thus far have relyed more on Greg Jackson's cornering than Rashad's skills, such as the victory over Chuck Liddell in comparison to the fight with Micheal Bisping, who Dan Henderson (another pound for pound great) was able to destroy. Not to mention that Rashad's record is full of split decisions, which are by no means solid victories. The man was unable to mount a solid fight against a Tito Ortiz that seemed to be fighting at twenty percent of his capability.
It is this lack of true martial arts discipline that we may be seeing in many fights in the future against the pound for pound greats like Silva, Machida, and others. I predict that we'll begin to see men simply defined as mixed martial artists (Rich Franklin, Forrest Griffin, Rashad Evans) start to drop like flies against men with solid disciplines coupled with MMA training to counteract other styles. It may take a man like Shogun Rua using the close range discipline of Muai Thai to give Lyoto Machida a fight that will go past round two. It evidently takes an amazing wrestler like Dan Henderson to give Anderson Silva a fight worth mentioning. It may take Minotauro Nogeuira, one of the greatest Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu artists in the world to dethrone an amazing wreslter like Brock Lesnar. It's hard to say at this point, because we're just seeing the beginning. The clash will probably begin at UFC 104, where we see Machida vs Shogun.
I have begun to believe that we have hit the Lyoto Machida era, but not so much in the sense that Lyoto Machida may have an amazing title run, but that we'll begin to see fighters with strong backgrounds rise up in the ranks much quicker, and have better careers. We'll more than likely also see fighters with strong backgrounds that have been focusing too much on strict MMA training instead of their core (Wanderlei, Shogun, Ortiz) get back to basics, and reclaim the old fires. Wanderlei needs to do it, Ortiz seems like he's trying to, and Shogun seems to have already done it, evidenced in his defeat of Chuck Liddell, literally punching him into retirement.
What I pray, from this point on, is that we see the final push that MMA needs. All fighters to consider their core strengths, and not simply try and be a jack of all trades. The examples of the pound for pound best are all out there. Fighters now simply need to wise up.
A Collection of Relaxed Observations
Posted by: Marcus
Being a student in the summer obviously gives me a lot of down time. I get plenty of time to sit, relax, do some stuff around the house, take long naps, and all other sorts of fun stuff. Today is easily one of those days where I've got license to chill, and I figured I'd give some of my "easy chair observations" since I have plenty of time to analyze and interpret more stuff than when I hit the school year. At that point, I may be left with the hard decision of either video games, TV, or Mixed Martial Arts. A chilling dilemma, isn't it? Either way, I'm nice and relaxed, so let's get this started. Then, it's off to take a cat nap.
Fedor Emelianenko has really dissapointed me and many others. The possibility of him becoming a part of the UFC Heavyweight roster, and the possibilities of him fighting Mir, Carwin, Lesnar, Couture, or others are seemingly out the window. I don't know if he's fiercely loyal to M-1, but every single promotion that Fedor has signed with has gone under. M-1 at this point is nothing more than a leech, and Dana White saw right through them. It wasn't about sambo competitions, or judo competitions, or M-1 logos on the shorts. It was about someone wanting a piece of someone else's deserved pie. However, it's not like the UFC is dead without Fedor, but this whole schebackle puts a dent in Fedor's legend, definitely.
The Ultimate Fighter's next season could be the one thing I'm looking forward to the most in MMA right now since UFC 100 already came and went. There are already rumors circulating that Kimbo Slice got brutally knocked out in his first fight, and that it was a similar situation of the Shane Nelson/Efrain Escudero confrontation, with Kimbo being the drunk one this time, and we finally get the answer of if he's legit or not. If this is true, then it's awesome. If it's not, I'm still going to watch the show because it will answer whether or not Kimbo is legit or not, which to some people isn't definitive after EliteXC crumbled. For me, I don't think Kimbo is legit, and I'll mostly be watching the show to see him fall, and for the next big heavyweight to rise. It's exciting, to say the least.
Gears of War 2 has given a nice dose of fan service with the All Fronts Collection. For me, I got 14 new maps, and the deleted scene from the campaign, all of which had no negatives to them whatsoever. Since I'm bringing up Epic, the next game from them and Chair Entertainment is a spiritual successor to Super Metroid called Shadow Complex. It's set in the universe of Empire by Orson Scott Card, and is written by Peter David. Essentially, a spiritual successor to what is probably the best action platformer of all time, in a rich universe crafted by one of the all time great Sci-Fi writers, and is written by the man who made The Incredible Hulk one of the most incredible comic series of all time? They might as well steal my money.
Wiggers bug me. Not really for the whole "annoying douchebag" visage that they all seem to want to carry around, but it's mostly why they do it. Let's face it. These guys have obvioiusly bought into the bravado of the Hip-Hop genre of music, and for some odd reason really think that baggy pants have made them tough. Not quite sure what word they come from, but I feel a bit more threatened by the six foot four guy with twenty inch biceps than the five foot six twig with his hat on wrong. If you'd prefer a better example, who are you more threatened by: Brock Lesnar, or Junie Browning? Either way, these guys have really sold themselves on the idea that they're cool dudes, but I can't do anything more than pity them. They're just stupid people making stupid mistakes, and my tolerance for them is nil. I couldn't care less about music tastes, but it bugs me when people try too hard to steal from a subculture based on fake toughness to try and look tough. Anyone else see the irony?
Big Girls annoy me. Now, hear me out on this. I'm a big dude, but I can't date a big girl. It's not because I'm shallow (though I find it idiotic that people hate you for enjoying the site of a pretty face over a horse's ass) but it's because I hate the low standards of big girls. Most of them will siphon semen for any guy willing to pull down his pants for them. Why would I want to date that kind of a girl? Most pretty girls out there have standards and self respect. Guess what I'm in possession of? Standards and self respect. I can't be with a woman who doesn't have that, and I respect any man who says the same.
So, that's really all I've got today on the Corner. Time for me to hit the hay.
