Top Ten............

Top Ten Ways not to be an XBL Douchebag!
Posted by: Marcus

I'm really beginning to think that half my time devoted to this blog is simply going to be spent on entertainment oriented rants. This time though I've randomly decided to make my next rant into a top ten list, simply for the sake of time and energy.

So, to get us started, the obvious problem with online gaming is that most of us have to interact with the world's douchebags when gamers have been trying to avoid them for ages. So, this list is dedicated to you douchebags, and how you morons can become less of a bag, and more of a civilized human being.

10. Learn how to curse!
Ever seen the movie I, Robot? Remember Shia LeBouf's character? Yeah, that's you. Cursing, for better or worse, should be reserved when one's vocabulary gets shortened due to some sort of circumstance where emotions get involved. The problem is though that your swearing sucks. Your main insult is fag. I think it's safe to say that you don't have much variant in your ability to insult someone. If you're going to open your mouth, at least know how to use it.

9. You Are Not A Gangsta
Let's face it. You're not a criminal. The biggest crime you committed was spitting on a sidewalk. If a cop walked up to you, your attitiude would go from "Fuck da police" to "No sir, I didn't do anything." You want to know why? Because you, and any other retard like you that bought into the rap bravado, in the moments when your bluff is called, you fold. However, it's not completely your fault. You're not smart enough to realize what toughness really is. Let's do a test. Answer the question: Who is actuall a tough person?












If you picked Wanderlei Silva, then there may be hope for you yet.

8. Learn how to lose
This one is really important. In any multiplayer game, you are going to lose at some point in time. Let's face it. If you have even a quarter of a life at all, you're going to lose in multiplayer, because you know as well as I do that there are kids out there that literally do nothing but play multiplayer games, so learn to let it go.

7. Don't try and be MLG
This is one thing that NOBODY that you will ever play against will buy. We all know that you're not an MLG player. We all know that you suck. Personally, I can't count how many people I've destroyed across several games that put MLG in their tags, or have an MLG gamer pic, or whatever. You're not that good. In fact, you suck. However, it's better to roll with it than try and pretend you don't.

6. Keep the racial slurs to yourself.
You don't sound cool when you use racial slurs. You also aren't insulting either. You're just ignorant, and people don't care about ignorance. The minute you sound like white trash or a wannabe ghetto punk, people shut their ears to you, and you're doing nothing more than sounding like an angry chimpanzee trapped inside a glass cage.

5. If you're not old enough to play the game, please don't talk.
Listen, I don't know how you got a hold of the game. Maybe you lied to your parents. Maybe your parents are retards for buying you an online game. Maybe you stole it. Maybe your friends have retarded parents. Whatever the case, there are those of us who are actually old enough to go to Wal-Mart, or Gamestop, or Best Buy and buy the games that everyone is playing. You, are not, so please just don't use your mic, or be in a party. You make it easier for all of us that way.

4. Don't make threats
Listen, nobody out there is intimidated by a punk teenager with a controller, or someone with a Napoleon complex. You aren't capable of kicking anyone's ass. Hell, you probably aren't sure about how to throw a punch, but for some reason you think that telling someone to shut up over the net is going to work. What if someone says, "Or what?" Then what are you going to do? Absolutely nothing. Also, don't give your name and address away. For all you know, the person on the other end is Brock Lesnar.

3. Don't play the blame game.
It's a simple premise. It's nobody's fault that you lost. If you were as awesome as you said you were, you would have dominated everyone. If your connection sucks, that's also your own damn fault. Go reset your router and open the ports, asshole.

2. Don't pretend you've got a life.
You don't have lots of money. You don't have a good looking girlfriend. You don't get loads of sex. You're sitting in front of a television playing Call of Duty. It's rather obvious that you've got just as much spare time as the other people you're playing with. Maybe more than that. Please don't take us for idiots. We can see right through you.

1. Remember that it's just a game.
Seriously. If you're flipping out over playing games, you need to stop playing them. These game are there for you to have fun with, and if you're not having fun, just give it up. Simply say it was a hobby, and let it go. If it's driving you mad, please don't drive the rest of us mad by trying to keep at it.