The Negatives
The Stuffed Bra Award for most unnecessary padding.
The Winner - Final Fantasy XIII
Why it won the award - To be quite honest, I haven't played a game that has been this drawn out since the Xenosaga series. I do not know why this game takes so long to get started, and when it gets started, why it's plagued with horrible storytelling and half-assed attempts at character development. I know that JRPG's are usually long winded, but come the hell on! Not to mention, if I hear Operation NORA ever again in my life, I may be arrested for murder.
The Newborn Kitten Award for weakest attempt at a game.
The Winner - Medal of Honor
Why it won the award - I don't think I need to explain it that much, so I'll just sum it up fast. No story, no characterization, player doesn't care, buy Battlefield: Bad Company instead.
The Napoleon Complex Award for worst attempt at getting revenge on a publisher
The Winner - Jim Sterling for his review of Kane and Lynch 2
Why he won the award - Never in my life have I seen a more thinly veiled attempt to stick it to a publisher "on behalf of all gamers" than Jimmy's review of Kane and Lynch 2: Dog Days. Sorry, but even mentioning Gertsmanngate in the opening of your review gives away your intention. It's like you painted "I'm trying to be anti corporate!" on your jacket in blazing green letters, and thought nobody would notice. It may have worked if Jeff G were homeless and his kids starved or something, but last I checked he's doing pretty well. Not to mention it didn't affect sales of the game. It sold over a million copies.
The Shrunken Udder Award for most pointlessly milked franchise
The Winner - God of War 3
Why it won the award - God of War should have ended with the original game. If it needed a sequel, it would have ended in a way that you could do one without it feeling stupid. Well, the team behind God of War 3 reminds me of a parapalegic trying to walk, despite his nervous system being dead. All God of War 3 does is flop around on the floor, failing to make any sort of impact, and just embarassing itself. Keep in note that both The Force Unleashed 2 and Bioshock 2 came out this year, and I'm giving the award to God of War 3 HANDILY.
The Thales Leites Flopping Award for gaming issue that wasn't really an issue.
The Winner - Review Guides from Publishers
Why it won the award - Well, if you can't tell by the name of the title, it's because I don't give two shits about review guides. Let me elaborate though. Evidently some people gave two shits about the fact that publishers sometimes send us reviewers guides for our reviews. Are they telling us how to do our jobs? Yeah, pretty much. Why would they do this? Because some reviewers are fucking idiots. "Splatterhouse is just gore and violence." Oh, I'm sorry, were you expecting a game called Splatterhouse to be about kittens and ponies, you fucking pussy? I'm sorry, but if you're missing the point like a fucking champ over and over again, I'd not only be sending you a guide of how to review my product, but I'd be hiring a tutor so you can learn how to do your fucking job.
The Positives
Best RPG - Mass Effect 2
Why it wins the award - Truthfully, most of the other RPG offerings to come out this year simply weren't as strong. Not only was Mass Effect 2 a really well written game that was fun to play, but it was ridiculously well polished, and keeps players coming back for more. It's one of Bioware's best RPG's to date, but really does a great job of making a 3rd person shooter/RPG hybrid without upsetting either side of the fence.
Best FPS - Aliens vs Predator
Why it wins the award - In reality, there really weren't a lot of strong offerings from the genre this year. Bioshock 2 wasn't a bad game, but it didn't really have a reason to exist. Call of Duty: Black Ops was an enjoyable experience, but it was a little hampered because it still relied too much on multiplayer to really sell the game to people (though it had a very strong story). Aliens vs Predator is by no means the strongest FPS that I've played in my life, but it was lots of fun, and had a solid balance between the multiplayer and single player portions of the game. It's not very often that we see a weak year from the FPS genre, but this was one of them.
Best Downloadable Game - Shank
Why it wins the award - It's an incredibly well detailed, fun beat-em-up that relies a lot on player skill and thought to get through the game. It also had a simple, yet well written, story that wasn't hard to follow, and had a lot of inventive portions to it. I just wish the boss fights were a little bit better.
Best Action Game - Castlevania: Lords of Shadow
Why it wins the award - Truthfully, I didn't expect a reboot of my favorite franchise of all time to be this damn good. The storyline was well written, but didn't overwhelm the player. The game was long, but very well paced. The boss fights were epic and challenging, but never overwhelming. The level design was linear, but completely capable of immersing you in the situation. The combat was tight and a much needed improvement in the genre, but wasn't hard to learn. Truthfully, I think that Lords of Shadow is the second best game of the year, next to.....
Game of the Year - Red Dead Redemption
Why it wins the award - Though I feel like 2010 was overall a weak year for the game industry in its ability to produce solid titles, I also feel like Red Dead Redemption is one of the greatest games of all time. Not only that, but I feel like it's the best open world game ever made, even nudging out GTAIV for that position. It's a beautifully written game with a strong story, it has great multiplayer, and offers a sandbox that has a lot to do for those who like to faff about, but never insults the player with a purpose. I honestly feel like this is the one game that every gamer should own, just like how I feel every movie lover should own at least one Ridley Scott film.
So, those are my awards for the year. Keep in mind that these are all in fun, and aren't to be taken seriously. They aren't the official Blistered Thumbs awards either. Just my personal picks. Should you be offended for my awards, take one of these, and call me in the morning.
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