Thoughts on Ninja Assassin

Yeah, yeah, I know I'm late on this. Truthfully, I don't really care, because it's 1:30 in the morning, and I can't sleep. Overall, I can't really say whether or not I enjoyed the film, because I'm simply torn on it. On one hand, the fight scenes were well choreographed, and the visual effects were really neat. On the other hand, this movie felt like it didn't really have a center to it. It starts, and just as you think the tempo is going to shift for the second movement, it's already near the end. It's sort of like listening to Orion by Metallica without what I call the "waltz" movement. This is just one of those movies that feels like it could have been something really special, but it just wasn't. With all of that said, let me just point out some things that pulled me out of the experience due to my brain being really active. Spoilers will follow.

- Why in the hell would you kill the old man? Who the hell is going to believe that he saw a freaking Ninja?

- Can you be named Raizo and have another profession other than Ninja? I can't imagine going to Buffalo Wild Wings and have a waitress tell me "Raizo will make sure your wings are perfect."

- Why do I feel like Batman should be popping up?

- Is there a role that Rick Yune has been in that wasn't "Evil Oriental Guy?"

- Are we going to get some sort of context for the fat British guy getting murdered?

- Since when was a kusari-gama such an effective weapon? Was this guy's instructor Ryu Hayabusa?

- Seriously, why do I feel like Batman should have shown up by now to punch someone?

- At some points, I think that Rain's a decent actor. Then, they give him more deadpan lines. For some reason I feel like Rain should be putting more emotion into his lines, but he almost feels like he's trying to be robotic on purpose. Ugh, I'm confused.

- Why am I surprised that they didn't get the chick naked at this point? It feels like it should be a B movie, but I haven't seen nudity. I'm in shock.

- WHERE THE FUCK IS BATMAN?!

- Oh, bullets can't fuck with Ninjas. No, wait, Ninjas can't fuck with bullets. Oh, okay. Ninjas can fuck with bullets, but only on certain conditions, like when, oh fuck this.

- Wait, he has to whip your ass and stab your new lady for you to use the technique of "not being honorable and stabbing his ass" on him? What kind of Ninja are you?

So, those are my thoughts on Ninja Assassin.

Waiting for Batman.

-Micah C