Sincere Apologies

There's a lot of things that I'm simply not a fan of. I'm not a fan of cocky people, I'm not a fan of games journalists who condemn some games for issues that others possess that they've let off the hook, and I'm most certainly not a big fan of having a string of bad days. I don't want to be the type of person who posts every day and breaks down why it sucked, so let me just say this. The high point of my week was an old friend visiting, and he nearly killed the mood by taunting me after I got monkeystomped by Cain Velasquez in UFC Undisputed 2010. Yeah, even a new video game didn't make the week better, and the game kicks ass.

However, that's not why I'm apologizing. I can't predict when a bad week is going to happen. I shouldn't dwell on it too much either. For all I know, Monday could come around and an attractive, nerdy girl from somewhere I wasn't expecting may confess her undying love for me and then we bone each others' brains out right then and there. It's not gonna happen, but you never know. Anyway, I'm apologizing because of my own failure to deliver.

I've been blogging and writing for over a year now. I've been producing videos for six months. In that span of time, I have three blog followers, less than a hundred Youtube subscribers, and if I get a hundred hits on a video on Blip.tv, it's a good week. Needless to say, the Cynic's Corner can be branded as nothing less than a failure. No one cares about Marcus the Cynic. The only feeling toward anything that I have done over the past year that I have received is apathy.

However, this isn't the fault of anyone associated with me. This is my own damn fault. Despite all of the time and effort I've put into my work, I have failed in my job to entertain and be informative. Despite everything that I've done, I cannot succeed, and it's no one's fault but my own. Even though I know for a fact that nobody will read this, I still feel the need to apologize for wasting everyone's time.

When I started this whole thing, my goal was simple: Have something that makes people phone home and tell people about. Have a show that you grab your friends and drag them to the computer to watch. Judging by all evidence up to this point, the verdict is that I simply have nothing to offer, despite how good I am at what I do.

Truthfully, I don't understand what I can do to improve, but I think it's moot at this point. It seems like the whole world around me simply wants nothing knew, and since that's all I can offer, it seems like I have no place. It's like being back in Gym class in High School. Despite what you can do well, everyone assumes that what they have is enough, and nothing else can add to it or improve it.

I can't change the world. I learned that when trying to become a minister. I can only react to the world around me. My reaction is pretty simple. If I can't do anything by the end of August, and I have the GTA4 Character studies done, I think that I'm finished for a while. I'm just sorry that I've been such a disappointment, and I'll do my best to make the rest of July and August something to remember.

Sincerely,

Micah C.